I’m embarrassed to ask anyone this. I have known my boyfriend for 6 months now and we had sex for the first time 3 weeks ago. It was my very first time because I was a virgin and it hurt soooo bad. We didn’t go all the way because I couldn’t take it. I expected that but we had sex again and it still hurt like hell and this time he went all the way. Last week we had sex again and I thought that since it’s been a week it won’t hurt but it still did. I can’t stand the pain and I hate that I can’t make him happy. I’m 21 and I don’t want to be a virgin forever. He says he understands when i say it hurt but i think his patience is wearing out. So we decided on oral sex and I was so nervous I almost bit him. It was terrible and I feel worse when he says it’s okay. How long is it going to be until I start enjoying sex? I had sex 5 times now and it still hurts so bad I scream. I told him to just force me, like kinda just do it, but that didn’t help. My boyfriend says he likes me that’s why he waited for 4 months till I was ready and now that I am we can’t enjoy sex. I am embarrassed and frustrated. Please advise me what to do because I’m about to break up with him. I know he is trying to be patient but he also has sexual needs after all.
There can be a number of reasons why you aren’t enjoying sex. Here are some suggestions.
First, are you very excited and very aroused before you try intercourse? Is your vagina very wet and slippery and hot? Are you relaxed throughout your body? If you are not, if you are tense and if your vagina is dry, intercourse will not be pleasant. Be sure you feel good in everyway about having sex — emotionally, mentally, and physically. Definitely engage in lots of foreplay — lots of kissing and touching and caressing before you even think about penetration. Ideally you should really, really want him inside you before he tries. You can also use lubricant to help him slide inside more easily.
Here’s an article for both you and your boyfriend to read about arousal for women (Freeing the Female Orgasm)
Also our ebook, Awakening Women’s Orgasm, has a lot of great information
Second, is your boyfriend’s penis quite large compared to the size of your vagina? If he’s really big and you are really small this can cause difficulty. He has to be very gentle and take his time and go only in a little bit by bit.
Third, you might have a condition called vaginismus, which makes penetration very painful. “Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse.”Vaginismus can have both physiological and psychological causes. Refer to these sites for more information: wikipedia. org
If you persevere, you’ll find the answers to your dilemma. Don’t give up. Sex can be a most glorious part of life.